~Delete 16299

Their ability or choice to embrace you for who and where you are may not be developed yet. We are called not to judge. I use the analogy of 4th graders and 8th graders. 8th graders do not like to play with 4th graders. 8th graders aren’t better, they are just further along in the process. Look at your family like those 4th graders. The rejection is mutual and good for you. You are not to be held back and they are not to be pushed beyond their present chosen capacities.

2. Recognize Their Need Based/Unhealthy Love

Love is meant to be unconditional, but very few of us experience love that is given freely without requirement or need. Almost all “love” is needy, which makes it unhealthy. If you look at your family of 4th graders, you’ll quickly see that they love those who enable them to feel like a Hero/Martyr/Victim/Savior. If you have your life in some kind of balance, where they are not needed, not the center of your universe, they don’t feel loved BY you. Why? Because you are not giving them the emotional currency they seek-to be needed. They equate need with love. Since you don’t need them, you don’t love them. So, they don’t love you. They love the out of control sibling. They love the addict. They love the abusive partner or relationship. They love the dead end job. They love their drama. If you aren’t constantly feeding their habit, their “love” for you is weakened. Recognize that this is NOT a judgment of you. Because you strive to be healthy, you don’t supply the external rush their self-esteem depends on. This is not your fault. Once you accept that you will never meet these damaged expectations (thank goodness!) you will release yourself of the desire for their “love” and approval at this high cost.

3. Resist nothing-All is well

One of the harder beliefs is to resist nothing. Everything that is happening is for a reason you may or may not see yet. Know that the challenge from your difficult family is purposeful. Nothing is wasted. If you get the lesson, you will get to peace faster. If you mother loves your brother, lends him money she doesn’t have and watches all of his out of control children but won’t make time for you and your husband-it truly is JUST FINE. In March, Part 2 we talked about releasing expectations. This truly won’t bother you once you master letting go expecting her to do any different. That is your lesson. Spend the next 7 days saying YES to everything that happens in your day. Resist nothing, especially not anything that “looks” negative. This is excellent practice on this critical spiritual lesson that is foundation of the Law of Detachment. Happily, I am teaching a workshop on the Law of Detachment at the Alive Expo April 28-29 that covers this in detail.

You can feel joy in your present once you recognize that you don’t need, won’t get and eventually don’t seek the approval/love of those further back on the spiritual path. These spiritual 4th graders base their love on neediness and drama so they feel important. Nathania Stewart, Esq