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• Give your child a scarf of yours (it smells like you) to learn how to fold • Practice folding the scarf before you go off to the shower • Soon your child becomes confident about folding the scarf (one or two folds is enough) • Excitedly tell your child what a good job, he or she did folding the scarf • Bring extra scarves for your child to fold while you are in the bathroom • Practice, going in and coming out quickly, then for longer times • Excitedly tell your child what a good job, he or she did folding the scarf

Notice that the focus is on your child's accomplishment, not on your leaving. You left your child with a task, you are a part of the task and you appreciate the effort your child put into learning to fold.

You may choose a project of building something or arranging cards, anything that takes some concentration and physical effort. When you do this, you have listened to and addressed the physical separation by giving your toddler a way to connect, without you remaining in the same room.

Step 4. Limits Your goal is to help your child face their fears without overwhelming them. This is a developmental stage that you can make easier and less threatening. The limit you were setting in the peek-a-boo game is; I stay here and you go away, you stay here and I go away. The peek-a-boo game helps make separation fun. Remember when setting the limits

• Stay out of power struggles by focusing on something fun • You want the limits to be achievable without inducing panic

Finding the activity that is uniquely satisfying for your child may take some trial and error. If you are calm and confident, you communicate that emotion and the limit will become a built in part of your child's growing mastery of the world. Over time, you will provide choices of activities.

• Your child learns they get to have control by making a choice based on two options you have provided for what to do while you are gone • Giving options gives your child control • You are involved and connected because you are the one providing options

Step 5. Fresh Start Whenever you get out of the bathroom, or arrive home from a short absence, no matter how difficult the separation process was for your child, reinforce your toddlers' growth and development with interest in what they did while you were absent. Forget any difficulty during your leaving process. You provide a fresh start.

• Praise and recognize your child's effort • Spend a little quality time with your child each time you return

Whenever your child's resources are challenged, point out and comment on your child's success. Fresh Starts are essential. Your child is learning mastery of their world without you as their honing device for a few minutes. There is no judgment of your child with "good boy" or "bad boy".

Encouraging growth requires recognition for whatever effort you toddler made to cope with the stress of separation. The "good job" is recognition for whatever they accomplished on their project. Discover More, Related Site, next page