~Delete 23354: различия между версиями

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(Новая: But sparks still flew for her and he was wooing her by the end of the night. Very shortly after the date he told her he was going on a two weeks family trip that included his separated ...)
 
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But sparks still flew for her and he was wooing her by the end of the night.
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To begin, let me just say, moms have wonderful qualities other women may not have yet developed. For example; caring for a child requires sacrifice, patience, tolerance, responsibility, kindness and frequent forgiveness. In a world filled with selfishness, super-high expectations and sheer spoiled bratness, what man would not want a woman with a more refined character, which often comes with the difficult job of motherhood? Let's review some common concerns.
  
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Very shortly after the date he told her he was going on a two weeks family trip that included his separated wife. It was a commitment he couldn't get out of and Mary had no problem to give him his space to do what he had to do - with no calls, texts, or emails. She felt secure in her feeling that he was into her and they would pick up where they had left off after his vacation. Sure enough, he got in touch with her after the two weeks but... (you knew it was coming) it wasn't to arrange another date. It was to let her know that his "almost but not quite" ex-wife had found out about his date and was giving him significant grief. He decided that, while he really liked Mary, he now wanted to be "just friends."
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First. Is a single mother looking to find a father for her kids and trying to marry as soon as possible? Yes and no. Most all women and men eventually want to get married and have a family. Right? Notice I did say most. Single moms are no different. Just like any other woman, they are looking to date, enjoy themselves, fall in love with a great guy and eventually find that one person with whom to share their life. In some cases, for a single mom it becomes less urgent because they are more cautious mostly due to what they've already been through.
  
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Being "friend-zoned" hurts at the best of times when there is a real spark and chemistry there, but for Mary, it was doubly hurtful because she thought they had really "talked it out" and that they each knew and were okay with what the other wanted.
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Second. When should I meet her kids? What should I say to them? What if I don't want to meet her kids just yet? If you have gone out on 3 or more dates and you think this could turn into something more serious then it could be a good time to meet her kids. It's important at first to introduce yourself as mom's friend. Also, not to show any type of physical affection around the kids. Let them get to know you as a friend of mom's and not as a potential dad. This is key because; the relationship may not work out with their mom. They shouldn't have the pressure to feel like they "have" to like you. If they do like you right off the bat, they don't need to get their hopes up that you'll be their new dad.
  
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She called me furious and hurt and ready to vent. She wanted to call him, email him, text him; let him know how much he had hurt her and to say "how dare you!" Her vent to me was about why would he even try to start dating when he was obviously emotionally unavailable? Why put her through that? "What a jerk!"
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You will know when it's OK to start spending more time with her and her kids together and when it's OK to be affectionate and be their mom's boyfriend. If you think it's too early to meet her kids, then be upfront and say something like, "I like you or I like spending time with you and I'd like to meet your kids soon; hopefully you and I will work out but if we don't...I'd hate to upset your kids." This will show you care and should also make sense to her. If you don't want to meet her kids because you never intend on becoming serious, then either don't date her in the first place or end it. That goes more for dating a single mom than any other woman.
  
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That was when I knew I had to stop her in her tracks with some tough love.
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Third. Isn't it more difficult to date when a woman has to find a babysitter for most everything? Yes, but there's a good side. Since it is a little harder for a single mom to go out, you know she's probably not going out every night of the week, partying, dating several guys and she's probably more grounded and less flighty. Again, more attractive qualities, right? Just remember though, if you've asked her out, chances are she's done a lot to prepare. [http://www.youtube.com/coachcomebackPJ Dating Tips]
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I asked her if she was really going to blast this man when all he did was tell her the truth? What was she hoping to accomplish by leaving angry, ranting messages on his machine? Did she really think he did this to her with forethought and purpose? Because really, how was he supposed to know what it would be like to date again after 7 years of marriage? He went into their date with good intentions but it obviously turned out to be more than he would handle emotionally at the time with his 'ex' giving him grief and he was just being honest by trying to explain to her in the first place.
 
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In a nutshell, she had to JUST GET OVER IT!! She was obviously too attracted to him to ever be "just friends, " so she was going to have to let him go and that is exactly what she did in the end. She contacted him, let him know that although she was disappointed, she would love to hear from again when he was ready, and she left it at that. NO DRAMA, no rants, no raves, no dumping all of her frustration and anger and disappointment on him.
 
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If we hope to be a woman of wisdom, the "get over it gene" is something we as women need to rediscover for ourselves. My advice to women about men is that some men may prove to be disappointments, and some may not have the best of intentions, but does that mean that we have to paint all men with the same brush? Being disappointed doesn't mean you get to play the victim and start the symphony of "Why me!" and "They're all the same." or "Men are stupid jerks". [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyDbVVGcf_g Best Relationship Advice]
 

Версия 05:23, 9 мая 2013

To begin, let me just say, moms have wonderful qualities other women may not have yet developed. For example; caring for a child requires sacrifice, patience, tolerance, responsibility, kindness and frequent forgiveness. In a world filled with selfishness, super-high expectations and sheer spoiled bratness, what man would not want a woman with a more refined character, which often comes with the difficult job of motherhood? Let's review some common concerns.

First. Is a single mother looking to find a father for her kids and trying to marry as soon as possible? Yes and no. Most all women and men eventually want to get married and have a family. Right? Notice I did say most. Single moms are no different. Just like any other woman, they are looking to date, enjoy themselves, fall in love with a great guy and eventually find that one person with whom to share their life. In some cases, for a single mom it becomes less urgent because they are more cautious mostly due to what they've already been through.

Second. When should I meet her kids? What should I say to them? What if I don't want to meet her kids just yet? If you have gone out on 3 or more dates and you think this could turn into something more serious then it could be a good time to meet her kids. It's important at first to introduce yourself as mom's friend. Also, not to show any type of physical affection around the kids. Let them get to know you as a friend of mom's and not as a potential dad. This is key because; the relationship may not work out with their mom. They shouldn't have the pressure to feel like they "have" to like you. If they do like you right off the bat, they don't need to get their hopes up that you'll be their new dad.

You will know when it's OK to start spending more time with her and her kids together and when it's OK to be affectionate and be their mom's boyfriend. If you think it's too early to meet her kids, then be upfront and say something like, "I like you or I like spending time with you and I'd like to meet your kids soon; hopefully you and I will work out but if we don't...I'd hate to upset your kids." This will show you care and should also make sense to her. If you don't want to meet her kids because you never intend on becoming serious, then either don't date her in the first place or end it. That goes more for dating a single mom than any other woman.

Third. Isn't it more difficult to date when a woman has to find a babysitter for most everything? Yes, but there's a good side. Since it is a little harder for a single mom to go out, you know she's probably not going out every night of the week, partying, dating several guys and she's probably more grounded and less flighty. Again, more attractive qualities, right? Just remember though, if you've asked her out, chances are she's done a lot to prepare. Dating Tips

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