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Let us look at this clingy behavior through my 5-Step System.
Step 1. Connect I know when you have a clingy toddler, it seems like you are "over-connected". When your child starts walking, they look to you as their reference point to the world and their anchor of safety so they do not get lost. You are, in effect their GPS, global positioning system. Through your eyes, a brief separation seems small; from your child's eyes, the separation seems insurmountable at times. If your child cannot see you, they feel they are lost.
Toddlers send out honing signals and protest separation. You child may cling to your legs, throw themselves against the bathroom door, yell, whimper with tears streaming down their little cheeks and arms outstretched, or plead with you not to leave them. Your child has not yet developed "object constancy", a developmental stage when they know you exist even though they cannot see you. Until your toddler achieves object constancy, they feel if they cannot see you, that you are gone; they are lost and alone in the world.
Step 2. Calm Your child is in a "panic" about the separation. For them to calm their panic, you need to remain calm. Remember, emotions are contagious, if you are calm and confident your child will calm more quickly and feel more confident. If you are hyper-excited, your child will quickly "catch" your hyper-excitement and become overly reactive.
Step 3. Listen You need to listen to your child's protest about separation. The way your toddler knows you are listening, is that you respond to their distress by preparing them for the separation. In my clinical practice, I teach parents to play a revised version of the game peek-a-boo.
Peek-A-Boo • Tie one end of a strand of yarn around your waist and the other end around your child's waist • Have your child "leave" by going behind a wall where you cannot see them and they cannot see you for a second • Quickly "return" into sight • Giggle with excitement when you find each other • Extend the time you are out of each other's sight • Extend the distance between you and your child • Move down a hall, behind the wall and quickly come back • Always express delight when you see each other again • When out of sight, say aloud, "Where oh where is Scott, I wonder where Scott went; he was here a moment ago. I know last time he went around the corner, he came back, I wonder how long it will take this time before I see him again?"
This practice helps the two of you play out separation while still connected by the strand of yarn. You create a fun game in which your child can feel safe. With this game, your child begins to understand that you can be gone and you do come back. Try talking to your baby in a calming voice. Sharing some gentle kisses and hugs should also satisfy your babies desire for attention. You may even want to try giving your child a baby massage. A baby massage will fulfill your child's desire for touch, plus it is a great relaxation technique.
2. Hunger
