Addiction To Venting

"How typically does this occur?" I asked her.

"Oh, pretty usually. At least every couple of weeks."

"Why do you continue to listen to her?"

"Isn't that what a great buddy does?"

"How do you feel when you listen to her?"

"Kind of stressed."

"Do you see it helping her to vent to...

"I was up as well late with my friend Peg last night," Abigail told me in our telephone session. "She was needing to vent. Then I had a issue falling asleep, but at least I was there for her."

"How typically does this come about?" I asked her.

"Oh, relatively often. At least every go here single couple of weeks."

"Why do you continue to listen to her?"

"Is not that what a excellent buddy does?"

"How do you feel when you listen to her?"

"Sort of stressed."

"Do you see it helping her to vent to you over and over?'

"Effectively, she says she feels far better immediately after I listen to her."

"Of course she feels much better! She has just dumped all her pressure onto you. She goes to sleep and you are up with her anxiety. But do you see anything in fact altering in her life as a outcome of you enabling her to vent to you?"

"No!"

"Abigail, if what Peg wanted to do each couple of weeks was come over and get drunk at your home, would you let this?"

"No! But that is different."

"It's not different. Peg is utilizing venting as an addiction to avoid taking responsibility for her feelings. She is not spending the time with you exploring what she is performing that is producing her upsets. She is not studying about what she can do differently so that she doesn't reach the point of anger and anxiousness that she then dumps on you. There is no learning or change happening. And, your anxiety in response to the venting, is letting you know that listening to this is not very good for you either."

"I have had a feeling that this was not working well for me, but I don't know what to do. Peg resources is my good buddy and I dont want to let her down. What can I say to her?"

"Properly, how about, 'Peg, I know that when you vent and I listen to you, you really feel much better for awhile. But I finish up feeling worse. I really like you and I want to be here for you, but it appears to me that the venting is not finding you anywhere that is it an addiction just like utilizing sugar to really feel greater for the moment but not actually dealing with the problem. I am here for you if you want genuine assist in dealing with the troubles, but I don't want to be at the other end of your venting any far more.' Is that something you would be prepared to say?"

"I think so. But she may well be mad at me."

"Yes, she almost certainly will be mad at you. Most folks do not like it when a person calls them on their addictions and refuses to participate in them any longer. Are you prepared to have her mad at you? Undoubtedly listening to her vent is not loving to your self, and therefore not loving to her. It is far more loving to each of you for you to stop enabling her addiction, even if she doesn't feel so."

"I know this is what I need to have to do. But what if she doesn't want to be buddies with me anymore?"

"Abigail, what would this tell you about the friendship and about her caring for you?"

"I guess it would tell me that she is employing me rather than actually caring about me and our friendship."

"Right. If she pulls out of the friendship since you don't want to listen to her vent, visit this link then she is not truly a friend. It signifies that she want to go on getting a victim, not taking responsibility for herself and dumping her feelings onto you."

"Okay, I am going to do this. I am at the point where I want friends who are studying and expanding, not pals who are becoming victims. I guess I have nothing at all to shed, and I will get far more sleep!"